Eight months ago, my wife left me for another man. I was raised by a mother and sister, and would describe myself as very sensitive. Depsite being a strong, tall man, I am not a tough guy (I admit, I can be a wimp). When we were together in College, we said we weren’t going to place traditional gender roles on our kids and she loved that I was so sweet, etc… When we graduated, she befriended this other man, cheated on me with him and ultimately came out and told me she was leaving. He is a bodybuilder and is more aggressive than me. According to her, part of why she left is that he is more dominant than I am. I suppose she changed when she was no longer in the liberal college atmosphere. I can’t see myself changing my personality this far in life. My question is, women often tell me I am very sweet, etc… But, in the age of the metrosexual, do women still want the tough guy? I very much want a family and I went to great lengths in other ways to please her, such as moving.
Tags: America, Expectations, female, Modern, partners, Urban
A very interesting question. . . I’ll look back at the answers as well.
WOW!
I can relate, my man is a bodybuilder too and very dominant. . . . . . women are attracted to an Alpha Male. . . . . . . I don’t know why.
I love NIKKI’s answers but I do not agree on one point. I could NEVER want a “sensitive” guy. Been there, done that. I like a man who grabs the bull by the horns and takes care of his family, and his business. Always.
Sounds like she has a submissive streak and your not dominate enough. Find some one who wants a submissive man
women (like men) generally want what they don’t have already, if she has a sensitive guy, she wants a muscle man. If she has a muscle man, she will eventually tire of that and want a sensitive guy. There really has to be a happy medium somewhere and there are plenty of women who ONLY want one or the other and will never change their mind, you just have to keep looking until you find someone that is interested in you. I know that sounds pretty vague but there are no guarantees in life that people will not change there preferences and what they like. . . . . unfortunately, a lot of people think they like something until they have tried it for a while and then they want something else.
I am thinking she never changed, but, hid the fact that she truely like an agressive type of man. . . she pretended to be one person just to get you to marry her =(. . . anyway, no, women do not really want the tough guy, if she had to choose. . . deep down, all she wants is for her man to protect her, and to treat her sweetly. . . =) what else does a woman want (a good, family type of woman)? a man who is not into porn. . . just some words for you, hope this all helps =)
good luck. . .
You just haven’t met the right one yet. You were both young when you met, she obviously didn’t know what she wanted back then. There are women out there that prefer the sensitive guy,though!
No. You are great just the way you are. She is the one that changed and you have no control over that. Don’t try to measure up to whatever standards. Just be yourself, the best self. You’ll meet someone that loves you for you.
My man has got to have a spine and be strong. For women to respect a man he has to be stronger and tougher than her. Respect is a requirement from a woman for a successful relationship. I have a friend that was raised by lesbian women and he is a disaster, cries a lot, too in touch w his feelings etc. . . My advise would be to pick a male role model and emulate him. Stand up for yourself, do not be a push over. The great lengths you went to please her, demand that for yourself too. (and moving for her? Only do things if you truly agree, or else you are being a sissy and she will not respect you , future tense). I think the new metro-sexual deal is more like a gay friend, there is no chance for a physical relationship but they are fun to shop with.
Good Luck.
I’ve come to realize that no one wants to be married to a wet noodle. You can be sensitive and still be firm in your beliefs and actions.
Never do something you don’t want to do with the expecation that it’s going to actually buy you something in the relationship because it’s not.
I’m attracted to fun, funny playful people. People used to ask me why I was with my husband (cause he can be a jerk) and the most honest answer that I can give is that he entertains me. He keeps it interesting. . . He’s a stay at home dad so no not all woman want their man to be a big strong tough guy. . .
There are women who will appreciate you, but for some reason a lot of women do tend to go for the JERKY and overly aggressive man.
She may not realize it now, but one day she will and when she does I pray to God you have found the love of your life!
My Husband is Sexy, sweet, & sensitive (the 3 S’s). When I met him he was such a refreshing change for me. I couldn’t wait to Marry Him and start a Family due to his great qualities.
He is Strong yet in touch with his feelings and that has made our lives so much better with communication.
Good luck in finding happiness and the right Woman !
For me personally, I love the dichotomy of a man who can be tough and strong when needed and sensitive when needed. Maybe we want it all?? My husband is more like you described yourself than the aggressive male you describe. I wouldn’t describe him as a wimp but he’s not the big alpha male type. One of his amazing qualities is his ability to engage me intellectually. That was important when we were young and its even more important now. Even though he is sensitive, I’ve seen him step up to the plate when needed to defend himself or others. He doesn’t back down when he’s challenged. Relationships are about learning what we want and don’t want in a mate. I don’t think you can or should change who you are to meet the needs of some woman. You’ll be happiest when you find a woman who loves exactly who you are. Your ex apparently wasn’t happy with how things were going and got out. This could be more about her issues than yours. People do weird things. Just be yourself, go about your life and eventually you’ll meet someone who appreciates all of your qualities. Just be you. Good luck
No matter what the age is (metrosexual or whatever) women want a man who can provide for them and protect them. Someone who is strong emotionally, physically, and mentally. That doesn’t mean you have to be able to lift 500 pounds with one arm. Stength of character means alot more. On the flip side, men want a woman who will nurture and love them. A woman who will raise his children and take care of the home. So, keep in mind that no matter what society tries to instill in us, our instinct will always be the same. That’s how we were made and that’s how God intended it to be. The male in almost every species is dominant and the protector/provider, so why have we tried so hard for so many years to change things. Why do women want to be the breadwinners and leave their men at home to keep house? Men and women aren’t equal. . . . . . we are different. It’s like saying that apples and oranges are the same. . . what?
Women have saught equality and all they have gotten for it is disrespect and lack of chivalry from men.
So, your wife left you for another man whom you say is more masculine than you are. Well, to be honest. . . your wife left you because she didn’t love you to begin with. If you were good to her and treated her with love and respect and still she wanted someone else, she didn’t love you.
Keep in mind that you are a man and as you described a good man, who knows how to love a woman. You don’t have to be a body-builder to be masucline or strong. Strength is found in so many other areas. A strong mind, forgiving heart, integrity, ambition, love, determination, etc. Know that you are unique and you have so much to offer any woman. Your place as a man is to love, honor, cherish, protect, and provide for your family. Do you need to lift weights to do that? Was Christ a body-builder? No, but he had strength of heart and the courage to give his life for us. That’s more strength that any of us have.
Stop beating yourself up about this. It sounds as if you have alot to offer the right woman. . . . . you just haven’t found her yet
Good luck and God bless!!!
You have to be strong to survive in this world. I am not. But my husband is. Originally from Guam he was adopted and raised in Washington. He is naturally tough. Once again, I am not. If you are not strong you need to move to a more mellow place where the lifestyle is easier. You need to pray and ask God to make you stronger. God will hook you up with a strong woman who won’t cheat on you and who will help balance everything out.